a poem!!!

So let me know what you all think. I saw someone else post a poem and thought you might like to see another--well here's two I wrote. Here Goes and thanks in advance.
Steve (Brown)

"The Perfect Ending"

You stood there like you always did,
not knowing what to say.
As the wind blew through your hair,
that cold winter day.
I kept it inside for so long,
mainly because I thought it was wrong.
How could I be with her, but really want you?
So I said it, it was done and you looked up at me.
Then you looked away, like you always did.
But as you looked back my eyes caught yours
and as we leaned in, as our lips touched I
heard the director say, "cut!"
I wondered if you really loved me that much?
But you didn't stop kissing me, instead you
leaned in and we touched.
And as the picture faded to black and the
credits rolled and I felt for the first
time like I was home.

"I'm Still Here"

As I lie in my bed, and drift off to dream,
the sandman comes and sprinkles on me.
He gives her to me, on the wings of an angel,
and were together and she loves me, but I'm still here.
I am blown away by how beautiful she is, and
how her green eyes shine, and her blonde
hair flows and streaks like the Sun's gold
rays giving me life and meaning and purpose.
And she kisses me and makes love to me, but
I'm still here.
I try to wake and she tells me don't
go. I ask her why, and she tells me so:
"In this place, in your dream is only where
we can be, and please don't be mad at the
sandman, it was me. I asked him to bring
you because I miss you so..."
And I cried and I told her, that I must go.
Just then I awoke with tears in my eyes and
I heard her whisper, she sounded so near, "I
love you and I'm still here."



"We don't ask for much
Just a little to get by
Enough to keep us grounded while the rest are getting high
And while we play hard, while we keep it real
Search for water in this desert, we don't have to steal"

Post Edited (04-10-03 11:15)

Oh theyre sweet. The wording of the Sandman parts on the second poem is a little illogical,but its like whimsy---exactly the strange ephemeral feeling of sleep+dream....!!!!!!

On the first poem,can you pleeeasse answer that first question you pose there?
I would very much appreciate to know.

I'd change the title to your second poem.

John Rzeznik's "I'm Still Here(Jim's Theme)" just came out fairly recently and I still listen to it on my "favorites" list. In other words, and especially since you're posting here, it sounds like a copycat title of a title from a pretty famous persons song.



I absolutely love her when she smiles

Ok first off the names of the poems were chosen years before any songs of the same name came out. i was in high school (now I am 24) when i wrote that one about a girlfriend that was killed in a car wreck. Any significance to any John Rzeznik song is pure coincidence--I am a Goo Goo Dolls fan and I never realized that the names were the same. I guess its because I'm Still Here means soemthing different to me. So now you know. Maybe I will change it, maybe not. So it isn't a copycat title-but thanks for being an insensitive smartass.
Rabbitproof, what question?



"We don't ask for much
Just a little to get by
Enough to keep us grounded while the rest are getting high
And while we play hard, while we keep it real
Search for water in this desert, we don't have to steal"

Insensitive smartass came out of no where.. I don't have to care about your feelings.. that's your business to..

And I'm saying he's famous and your not so it will be seen as such whether you allegedly chose it first or not. I'm being sensitive on reality junior.

Call me a realist.. but definately not a smartass.. and hunker down.. you put your poems up for public criticism (that's what you did in case you didn't realize it) and you can't even handle it. Maybe you shouldn't do this anymore.



I absolutely love her when she smiles

"How could I be with her,but really want you?" .

Post Edited (04-10-03 12:20)

Post Edited (04-10-03 11:14)

Post Edited (04-10-03 11:15)

Post Edited (04-10-03 12:19)