Jewish Women

1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

3. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."

5. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

6. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's.

7. When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check
came back, she rep lied, "So did my arthritis."

8. A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too
good," said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are
you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son
said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother
answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you
should call."

9. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a
part in the play. She asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play the
part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and
tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

10. Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? A: Under
the vacuum cleaner

11. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a
nuisance to anybody.

12. Short summary of every Jewish holiday:They tried to kill us, we won,
let's eat.

13. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the
street and said, "Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself,"
she replied.

14. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

15. Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."

16. Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.

as a jew- ill say all of that is basically true

however i did punch a kid in the face for reciting a not-so-nice jewish joke to me...ill only repeat it if someone wants to hear it.


.amy.

are you a mexi-can or a mexi-cant?

as a jew- ill say all of that is basically true

however i did punch a kid in the face for reciting a not-so-nice jewish joke to me...ill only repeat it if someone wants to hear it.


.amy.

are you a mexi-can or a mexi-cant?

I want to hear it.

-Mike





Go listen to my band. We're awesome.

http://www.myspace.com/rosencrantzny
weallgotwoodandnails

"Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off."

That's great.



~ Eric of Wisconsin ~

Nine Days and John Hampson music featured in my independent feature film "Will and Testament"!

Facebook Page for "Will and Testament"
IMDB Page for "Will and Testament"

I think I know it already. Nasty thing.



---Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost, Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost, What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time? What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind---

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

-Mike





Go listen to my band. We're awesome.

http://www.myspace.com/rosencrantzny
weallgotwoodandnails

this is funny because this kid on the bus today got in trouble with my 80% jewish baseball team because he made a not so nice jew joke in jest and it was taken totally out of proportion. it was really funny, someone yelled, "dude, that's such a mean jewish joke!" and like the whole bus instantly stood up and went, "what?!" in unison

personally i think #9 is funny



Rock on...
Kevin

I wanna be with you forever, and tomorrows not too late...

"Beware the fury of a patient man" ~John Dryden

They don't laugh at themselves enough.

-Mike





Go listen to my band. We're awesome.

http://www.myspace.com/rosencrantzny
weallgotwoodandnails

"They don't laugh at themselves enough."

???

Some of the best comedic writers are Jewish. And they have no problems poking fun of themselves. Maybe it's just a small percent of the Jewish community. Not being Jewish, I wouldn't know.

And since the first post mentionion circumcision, I figure I'll bring this up now. I saw an episode of Penn & Teller: Bullshit! last night about circumcision. It made me want my foreskin back. And oddly enough, there is a non-surgical way to do it. You just tug on the skin until it stretches.

Neat, huh?

No. No, that's not neat. That's gross.

Alright, I guess it's neat. But it's gross.

-Mike





Go listen to my band. We're awesome.

http://www.myspace.com/rosencrantzny
weallgotwoodandnails

i laugh at the fact that im jewish all the time and people know that they could make comments and i wouldnt get offended. heres the joke just for you mike...

whats the difference between jews and pizzas?





















































pizzas dont scream when you put them in an oven.

make fun of me for being cheap and sh!t all you want- but say something like THAT to me and ill kill you.


.amy.

are you a mexi-can or a mexi-cant?

One of the best, yet one of the oldest


Why do Jews have big noses?




Cuz air is free.

Oh, yeah, I know the Jew pizza one well already.

-Mike





Go listen to my band. We're awesome.

http://www.myspace.com/rosencrantzny
weallgotwoodandnails

Okay I have a question... whats the difference between being circumsized and not? I know the whole skin deal, but why do people do it? Does it help somehow? And why would you want it back?



~*wOOt!*

Oi.

Uh.

It's done as common practice here in the states because it's cleaner and safer. That's a breeding ground for bacteria and, uh, tearable...

In terms of other things, chicks seem to typically prefer it not to be there because it's not much fun to look at let alone... uh... do other stuff with... but the act is supposed to be more enjoyable with it present.

-Mike





Go listen to my band. We're awesome.

http://www.myspace.com/rosencrantzny
weallgotwoodandnails

It's primarilly aesthetic/a religious 'thing' now. It used to be thought that it was better for a man, hygenically and such, however now its deemed better to keep it, for the very same reasons.

Who knew... Nature would actually know what it was doing the first time?

I didn't know it was common practice in the States. Thank lordy its done shortly after birth.


...




Fucking oowwwwwww.



Post Edited (04-27-05 19:17)

Aye, Sketch? Hadn't heard it was better with now.

In any event, personal taste (haha) I guess for whomever.

-Mike





Go listen to my band. We're awesome.

http://www.myspace.com/rosencrantzny
weallgotwoodandnails

I heard a story once, where this American woman was asking a guy about... that part of the male anatomy... and she had thought that the whole skin thing operated in a similar way to those flip top pedal bins you can buy, if you follow me.

She'd never seen one to know any better.

I laughed so much.

The episode of Penn & Teller: Bullshit! basically debunked the whole issue of hygiene and a myth about being more susceptible to STDs.

And Taylor, the reason why someone would want it back, apparently the foreskin is very sensitive. Also, from what they said on the show, you know how there's condoms "ribbed for her pleasure?" Well, I guess the foreskin does the same thing.

But the most important reason they gave to regain foreskin: a circumcision makes the penis smaller.

I'm telling you, if you see this episode and see a newborn getting circumcised, you'll think twice before you let your son go through that.

On the other hand, if you watch that episode of Nip/Tuck where Matt tries to do his own circumcision...well, make sure you teach your son to keep sharp object away from the groin area.

Yeah, I didn't get that episode because it doesnt seem like it's all THAT common where he'd feel weird that he hadn't had it done.



"It's not always rainbows and butterflies it's compromise that moves us along"

ewww ya that was a painful episode



*~katie~*

Uncircumsized is the way to be.

If you can manage a nice in-between state, it's gotta be perfect.

-Mike





Go listen to my band. We're awesome.

http://www.myspace.com/rosencrantzny
weallgotwoodandnails

what i dont understand is why you englishes use the word bellend so much if you infact do not show a bellend

According to the episode of Penn & Teller: Bullshit!, about 60% of newborn boys are circumcised after birth in the US.

However, one would expect that number to be higher in urban areas. So in a place like Miami, I'd guess that most kids Matt's age would be circumcised.

However, there's one more reason why Matt could feel insecure about it. You ever see those sex ed books? Do they ever show an uncircumcised penis? No, they don't. So any woman might get a little freaked out if they've never seen anything like it.

I mean, c'mon. The last thing any guy wants to hear from a girl after taking his pants off is "What the hell is that?"

hmm most of the porn i've seen with guys in it the majority were circumcised, now why is that?
It's the opposite over here in kiwiland, circumcisions are pretty rare and it's purely a religion thing.
From what i've read, heard and generally discussed, sex is more pleasureable when you still have a foreskin, due mainly to the fact that it's much more sensitive being that the skin protects the head of your member.

As long as you keep the washing and good hygeine up then you've nothing to worry about (can anyone say CHEESE) hehe

Message deleted on 2015-09-05 06:30:16 PDT

hey remember when this post was about jokes!!!

Sofia. We don't.