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I turn 21 in 9 days
Not at all. I just feel like exactly the same person I was when I was 14 Heather...
For some reason, that doesn't sit right with me. I don't know altogether why exactly, but I guess it might have something to do with a misplaced nievity that by the age of 21, this somewhat revered of ages socially and culturally, I'd have 'me', and everything in my life, pretty much 'sorted'. As it happens... not-so-much. I'm still a little clueless as to why I still continue to breath involuntarily, and what on Earth I'm supposed to be doing with all this 'life' I was handed at birth. I personally like to think that I have some kind of purpose for existing, and that if I waited around long enough maybe someone or something would give me an 'A to Z' and point me in the right direction. I guess I had figured that 21 was deemed as some 'adult' benchmark in society, and that those who were such a plateaued age, must have, by that point, figured all this 'life' stuff out. I'm beginning to realise that I expect far too much from myself, the world around me and the people who reside within it, and that I am, for want of a better word - strange. ... I think I live my life like I'm waiting for something to happen, something that will finally allow all the pieces of the puzzle to fall into place... and I'm beginning to worry that nothing ever will do; and that all this 'life' was just some great cosmic fluke that I am forever to meander around, somewhat bemused and confused. ... Don't get me wrong, I'm not flailing around in the shadows of depression here, as much as all this might sound akin to it. I can, and have, created 'purpose' and 'passion' for myself in my version of life, and live pretty contentedly doing the things I love surrounded by the people I love... but I was hoping I wouldn't have to seemingly fabricate it all. And do I? If I follow my head, am I creating a life for myself?... and if I follow my heart, am I following a life that was pre-defined? Because there is a definite and distinct division between the both of them within me... most of the time. ... Is my purpose defined by those moments when both my brain and my heart beat to the rhythm of the same drum beat? To follow the route of such rare and fleeting moments whereby both parties agree that everything is 'right'? Possibly. *Shrugs* See... I'm still in as much of a muddle now, as I was way back when I was 14; and I guess that ultimately, I'm not a big fan of that. Haha. Like I've already stated, and I'm pretty certain that you're now thinking it, I'm strange; and I imagine you weren't quite expecting such an exotic answer to what you may have initially thought was a pretty primitive question. *Points at himself* S-t-r-a-n-g-e. Post Edited (06-14-05 20:56)
That's deep stuff Sketch. Always fun to ponder about things like that.
---Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost, Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost, What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time? What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind---
Fun?!
Trying to suss out the meaning of life is not, in anyway, fun. ... It's an absolute bastard, and a cruel one. It's like buying a flat-pack IKEA desk and not having a manual to put it together with... so you make do with putting the screws where they fit, attempting to do your best, and using that funny little plastic packet of glue that didn't come with a brush and probably had an actual application for the construction, to paste over and 'mend' where you fumble and break it. In the end it comes out a little retarded, on the verge of falling to pieces, and looking more like a golf cart... but you make do... because that was all you knew how. Post Edited (06-14-05 21:03)
Yes, you are strange, Sketch, but aren't we all in some way? No, I wasn't expecting a 3 page essay to my question, (you should be a writer). But that's ok. Actually I know how you feel completely... still trying to figure out what I should be doing and what purpose I have. I feel the same way you do about being like I was in my teens... and I've even been told over and over that I look like I'm 15... it's great, great fun.
Post Edited (06-14-05 21:58) "It's not always rainbows and butterflies it's compromise that moves us along"
I turned 21 last october, my 2 flatmates and I were all within 3 weeks of eachother turning 21, the most drunk and drugged time of my life. And it all happend in the middle of having no power for 6 weeks. Time of my freakin life, it was an unseasonably warm period of weather aswell.
It all came about after we decided to use the money in the flat account and buy a few boxes of piss, we just didn't replace it quick enough and one day I arrived home from work, my flatmate said "go turn the light on" I tried it and nothing happend, needless to say we got very drunk that night... I'll never forget my 21st!!!
Tah's really frat.
0Mie Go listen to my band. We're awesome. http://www.myspace.com/rosencrantzny weallgotwoodandnails
http://archive.ncsa.uiuc.edu/Cyberia/NumRel/BlackHoleAnat.html
http://cas.sdss.org/dr3/en/astro/universe/universe.asp -Mike Go listen to my band. We're awesome. http://www.myspace.com/rosencrantzny weallgotwoodandnails
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