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The ramblings of a teenager...
Hey, I figured you all would have great taste in lyrics I mean look at where we are.. Nine Days site, a band with amazing lyrics.. So I was hoping maybe some of you could read this song I'm writting and give some suggestions on where and what to do to fix it?
Thanks in Advance..
It doesn't have a title yet, I wrote it in Biology class today because I was bored....
I dreamt of her last night,
In her house all alone,
It's too good to be true,
Thats gotta be why,
I'm outside in my car,
Circling around the block,
Her dads in the garage,
Just bangin' around,
While she's in bed,
With the T.V on,
Watcing the same shows,
Over, and over and over again...
I'll be outside,
Waiting for her
Shieveirng in fear
Heart racing near,
She'll be inside,
Without a clue
How am I to know
Just what, to, do
Might as well drive..
When she wakes up,
I'm not there,
Sun is rising, the new day awaits,
With her eyes so bright,
Wide open, wow...
With nothing to do,
With nothing to say,
I'm still outside,
Tryin' to find a way,
To say just what I feel,
Damn, I'm too shy,
I'll be outside,
Waiting for her
Shieveirng in fear
Heart racing near,
She'll be inside,
Without a clue
How am I to know
Just what, to, do
Might as well drive..
So I drive....
I just keep on driving....
- Jamie
Well if you don't have any suggestions, thanks for taking the time to read it at least, I know its not good, but hopefully I'll be able to make it something special...
Post Edited (07-25-03 17:16)
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
you are precious...i don't know the first thing about writing songs, so i wouldn't know how to change it....but why do you think you need to?
rachel......
firstly, thanks  *blush*
but when I sing it, it just doesn't flow right, so thats why I figure it needs to be chagned, and once I get it flowing better I'll start writting the music to it. I've got the sound in my head right now, just need to get those words to flow better. And iM" rambling and repeating myself so I'll go
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
i've been playing the guitar for coming on 10 years, although i really dun have that great of a ear hehe.
songwriting though, for about 6 months. and i re-work them all the time.
it's really a great thing to do, write that is, it's amazing the things that come out sometimes that you didn't think that deeply about...
i find that getting verses to ryhme (not every one though neccessarily lol) is a good way to get a flow. if you listen to the lyrics of any song closely you'll hear that alot of verses do rhyme, even though at first you might not notice it...
hope i didn't confuse anyone too much hehe
~Ryan~
Well I've decided to switch one thing so far.. I see others I wanna change but can't think of how yet.. so the chours deal goes like this now.. well for now..
I'll be outside,
Waiting for her
Shieveirng in fear
Heart racing near,
She'll be inside,
Without a clue
How am I to know
Just what, to, do
Might as well drive..
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
ooooooh, i like that...i like that lots  )
rachel......
so heres how the story goes.. I was in bio class, just writting my test, and then.. I started thinking...
This is how I answered the last question on the test.. dead serious...
I was also listening to umm who was it at the time, I think it was Exies...
Hopeless dreams spin round my mind,
Trying to get a grip, this don?t make sense,
Unless I?m right how can we know,
Wasting away in this hole alone,
With m y thoughts,
What?s the point, theirs no use,
It?s all been done, said before,
A copy of a copy, I?ve heard it all.
It?s useless, and I?m pointless,
Be yourself, act your age,
Stand for what you do,
**** no,
How can you say what I should do?
No body cares so leave me alone.;
Trapped inside safe,
What?s the point, theirs no use,
It?s all been done, said before,
A copy of a copy, I?ve heard it all.
Once again I?m here all alone,
Standing 9in the crowd,
Smile,
I?ll put on the show,
That no one pays to see,
Consciously speaking with nothing to say,
So shut up, leave me alone,
Why lie? I know it?s not true,
You don?t? need me I don?t need you,
What?s the point, theirs no use,
It?s all been done, said before,
A copy of a copy, I?ve heard it all.
Sit, Wait, Don?t worry,
I gave3 up long before,
Forever isn?t that great,
When stuck with this fool,
Reject what the day brings,
To make it your own,
Be your own person?
What?s the point, theirs no use,
It?s all been done, said before,
A copy of a copy, I?ve heard it all.
Trust in God, believe in me,
Heard that, not true,
Where does fate g4et you?
A cautious smile, hateful grin?
Tell me ****, where to begin,
Grow up your not a kid,
Don?t act before you think,
Just kneel, obey, were whipped without a care,
Give it up, LIFES NOTFAIR.
What?s the point, theirs no use,
It?s all been done, said before,
A copy of a copy, I?ve heard it all.
So just shut up?.
wonder how my teacher will feel about it....
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
Exies are awesome man! haha I love 'em, still trying to get a way to their concert on Sunday. ANYway, I think the song is good. It has a good meaning to it, unlike some other songs you hear today. I agree with Ryan though, it might flow better if you make it rhyme a bit, not ever verse though.
Sammii D
"I'm not made of steel, but your secrets safe with me." Our Lady Peace
yay lyrics thread...
-Emily
"forever bored and outside from the in-crowd..."
yeah thing is, once I start workinag on afixing something up, I think of something different... I get side tracked very easily.. thats why I shoudlnt' be allowed to drive... too many shiny objects
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
well.. after doing my hw on the 6 hour plane ride.. I was listening to SHU.. and this is what I ended up doing..
Walking blinded,
Unconously awake
Through the forgotten
Footsteps of past
Trying to find a way
To fix the same mistakes
Each step feels like the last
I just may.. (I just may)
Try to escape this same trail
It's true.. (it's true)
While the rain turns to hail
It's getting harder with you
Walking out once again
Why can't we just start new
Please just pretend
You never know
What to say,
You never care,
What you wear,
You never think,
Until you act,
It doesnt' matter
(It doesnt' matter)
It all will wash away to new
Who matters to you
(Who matters)
Now why can't you see.
All you've waited for
Was just plain me
Open the door,
When I'm outside...
(Soaking wet)
When your afraid,
(Cold and alone)
When you clue in
(To what you see)
I'll be there
For you and me
Post Edited (03-20-03 00:14)
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
OK. i'm crying right now. that was beautiful....i mean, really. there are tears....you think i'm kidding, but the keyboard is all blurry and.....man! that's some talent!.....AWESOME. thank you for sharing it.
Post Edited (03-24-03 03:56)
rachel......
awwwwww don't cry rachel, please? I'd do nething to stop you from crying, thats the worst thing in the world...
arg I hate doing that to people.....
thanks for the compliment though... now if only I could sing...
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
Hey.. some random thoughts while I was listening to SHU... you can probably guess which song for each thought  When I heard a couple key words from their songs I figured I'd try adding my own lyrics... well I don't know if you'd call them lyrics.. but the songs playing in the back grounds.. and it doesnt' completely go with teh music.. but makes me think so...
"Could you reconize me from a far... who did you want when I came to the door.. wishing for someone new... its not working out the same but everything is within our reach if only we do it togheter.. once again our paths will cross.... just don't leave... dont' go... again.. my shattered heart with pieces so fine... life's not working.... its not a game..... don't play with my hope... just stay here in my arms"
"What do you think your looking at with your eyes wide open shut to the world around. With all the lies spinning round my head I'm getting dizzy at the sight of you. Just listen please, my heart is yours... be gentel tonight.... Just don't leave me shivering again alone.. in the dark. dark night...."
This ones really easy.... because its basically a copy...
"Even moment feel like the last.. on and on until eternity... My forever isn't too long... Cause' I use the same lines trying to fix the mistakes again. Finding way to hold you tight is what I'll do for you. Still I hear creep.. knowing isn't good enough.. but its hard for nice guys in a fucked up world.. Always in the whispers of forgotten dreams I'll see the beauty of your smile, as a beacon of hope guiding me through.... Home...."
"I promise to free you, I'll never let you down, I can only give what's true inside, myself and honesty. Nothing fancy, but still I try, my tears filled with joy saddly letting go. Ashamed of failure but afraid to succeed living in shadows with your voice chasing me. Never ending echo's of that one taste. Infinity of mindless ramblings will show my soul to alone. Keep me safe under the covers. The days coming fast, so lets make this last. I promise you'll be safe togehter in this world. Give in to your fear, I'll catch you so don't fall."
yeah.. I've got a couple tests tomorrow so I should probably turn this music off now... alright well.. hope I didn't bore you all.....
nite
jamie
Post Edited (03-24-03 19:26)
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
Whats is sport but anticipation for the game,
What is song but twisted words,
What is dreaming but the last choice of a child,
What is hope but a warm smile in winter,
Lossing touch with importance, screwing up, giving up,
I'm not what it is you want sorry...
I've failed you.. As we step through each door,
Faith has been misplaced I'll let you down again,
Why does everyone grow up, in an imature world?
Why does time seem endless, but gone in a flash?
Why does life look pointless, until you meet someone?
Why does each person, look empty,
****..
Lossing touch with importance, screwing up, giving up,
I'm not what it is you want sorry...
I've failed you.. As we step through each door,
Faith has been misplaced I'll let you down again,
Where can friendship suceed, hatreds all around,
Where can trust believe, lies to a straight face,
Where can work help,k cheaters get ahead,
Where can determination win, you dont' ahve a chance,
Worry, fear, hate, it's all the same don't change the name,
Give us credit, your ignorance strenghts desire.
My life isn't much, but its real,
Thoughts original, not for sale,
Control the invisible?
See eternity?
Feel Infinty?
You don't have forever,
Damnit
Lossing touch with importance, screwing up, giving up,
I'm not what it is you want sorry...
I've failed you.. As we step through each door,
Faith has been misplaced I'll let you down again,
I'll let you down again
Sorry....
I'm too late
Sorry......
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
why is it whenever I think your finally gone..
it jsut takes one smile and I'm helpless again,
you eyes making every dream come true,
never letting on enough to show,
but deep down inside I know.. I know...
that in a second you'll disapear
once again leaving me with that taste....
with everybreath I take,
my hands start to shake..
heart racing,
dizzying me with ur spin...
yet still I can't find the words to say..
so I'll just wait ...
until what we feel is too real
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
You need another "stanza" or two. Yes! A "stanza." Anyway.. a fwe more lines and repeat the chorus once or twice more..
How about..
------------------
Will she ever realize these eyes meet her soul?
Flowing through her body
She makes my mind roll
Please one day realize our connection
I desperately want that touch
These prayers only seek affection
------------------
Just a thought..
whoo..
I absolutely love her when she smiles
What is love?
Nobody can say.
I know what its like
To care deeply for someone
To be hurt when they mention another
To want to say the right thing
To help them at all cost
To tingle at the sound of their voice
Is that love?
What about?
Wishing you could be
Exactly what they need
Able to stop them from hurting
Care for them forever
Always aroudn them
Is that love?
How about, when...
Everything seems right holding them close
One look into their eyes and your problems disapear
A friendly smile melts your heart and warms you soul
Its like a never ending dream come true
Is that love?
But what is love?
Who can say
Its felt different towards everyone you meet
Its what you make of it its how you react to it
Thats whats really important
What about you?
The building up of friendship
On a different level
Very deep friendship kind of love
Is that love?
I don't know or have the answers
I don't know what to make of it
I don't know how to understand it
Maybe thats love
What I know,
Love is everything,
Love is nothing,
Love is essential,
That is love.
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
so anyway..
I absolutely love her when she smiles
makes sense.. meh I dunno... just ramblingh about nothing and everything rather then doing my homework basically... sides I dont' expect anyone to erad it, jsut figure might as well say it?
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
gey back to work skoogen.. I'm warning you
I absolutely love her when she smiles
work me never hahahaha I laugh in your general direction...
mmm actuallyt ahts a good idae.. three labs due tomorrow and a test... your a thinker..
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
That's all I do good anymore..
contemplates death#
I absolutely love her when she smiles
If you kill yourself I'll have to beat you up
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
Hmmm..
I've decided to live!
blushes@
I absolutely love her when she smiles
and who says jebus doesnt' save?
its a Miracle! a miracle I say...
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
Bowser running round and round,
princess no where to be found,
super mario, super mario
question boxes unknown danger,
never fear mario's here,
the game has just begun,
pause...
A B,
down right,
left up,
start,
get me outta here,
button mashing
damn that last mushroom
here comes mario
super mario, super mario
Todd spinning round and round,
what to do where to go?
super mario super mario
save peach?
Pink screen, oh no
out of memory,
time running down,
reset
A B,
down right,
left up,
start,
get me outta here,
button mashing
damn that last mushroom
here comes mario
super mario, super mario,
fireflower,
bowsers running,
mario's here never fear,
save the day once more
new level,
A B,
down right,
left up,
start,
get me outta here,
button mashing
damn that last mushroom
here comes mario
super mario super mario
hero of all,
always saves the day,
super mario, super mario,
what happened to super mario,
well nintendo?....
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
That killed everthing that was beautiful in this world
I absolutely love her when she smiles
thats exactly what I was going for muwahaha my plan's falling into place.
"How far you go just to destroy yourself. Tuck in your self esteem, it's falling out"
I've looked into your eyes.. you're truly pure evil
I absolutely love her when she smiles
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